White Flag
by Liliendream
Summary: One-shot set during 4.09 'The Con Man In The Meth Lab'. How Booth copes with Bones dating his brother. Will he make the right decision?


**This one-shot is set during**** 4.09, so Booth's birthday party never took place. It is named after the song 'White Flag' by Dido. Warning: this fic is going to be sad.**

**Nonetheless, ****I should hope you enjoy reading it.**

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Booth took one last glance at his office. The office, he won't see for the next nine months because he had made a life altering decision. A decision, which wasn't made spontaneously nor felt it rushed, he had actually thought about it for some time now.

Contrary to what Cam, Angela or Sweets thought, he wasn't dumb. Of course did he notice the connection between Bones and him and that it had changed from an innocent I-just-like-my-partner to an I-love-my-partner kind of thing. But he also knew that Brennan would never admit to her feelings, which he knew were there, if it were up to her.

So he did what he had to do. He was leaving in six hours Washington D.C. to fight for his country in Afghanistan, even if it meant being a sniper again and, therefore, killing more people, who were often enough innocents.

He still remembered vividly the night, in which the idea popped into his head for the first time. It was a late Friday evening when he was sitting in his car on his way back home from work. He heard that song on the radio and even if he didn't like the singer, the lyrics made him realize something – something big.

_I know you think that I shouldn't still love you  
I'll tell you that  
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it  
Where's the sense in that?_

He knew that he had feelings for Bones. Damn, he might as well have had them since he met her for the first time. He tried to avoid facing them, tried to deny them, but they only grew stronger each day they worked together.

His realizing them only happened when Bones started dating Sully, and it hurt like hell. He would never forget how telling her to accompany Sully on the cruise had tortured his heart.

But he couldn't let her know how he felt for he was too afraid that it would scare the hell out of her. He knew his Bones, and admitting to deeper emotional feelings was not even an option for her. She kept her walls up so damn good as if she were afraid everyone's intention was to hurt her. If she could just see how much she meant to all of her friends and family.

_I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder  
Or return to where we were_

And that's why he had to go. But it wasn't solely for her benefit, he needed it, too. Maybe she would be able to handle it, maybe she wouldn't – well, he was not about to find out, he wouldn't dare risking it.

He was just going to leave her a letter. A letter, which was already written and waited for him to be dropped in Bones' mailbox. A letter, which concluded with the first stanza of that song he heard playing in the radio so long ago and with those six words he was too much of a coward to say them in person:

I will love you forever,

Booth.

_But I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be_

He was aware that Bones probably thought he was a wimp for not working up the courage to tell her about his feelings in person, or for not warning her that she was going to have a new partner from tomorrow on. She was definitely going to be pissed, royally, but he was convinced that she could handle it.

He himself? Not so much. He wouldn't be able to get over a rejection, she was the love of his life after all. He had to snort at that. Love of his life, whoever had come up with that crap should suffer in hell, it wouldn't be that different from what he had to live through on a daily basis. Better yet, his Bones was dating Jared. His brother, for goodness sake. What had he done to deserve this cruelty?

He listened to the song very carefully and let out a sigh when he heard that line about not giving up. Sometimes it's just inevitable. Sometimes, you just can't bear the heartache anymore. Sometimes, you have to protect yourself from the pain you feel whenever you dream about a future with her, but wake up only to realize immediately that it was never going to happen. Sometimes, it's just easier to give up.

And just like that he knew that it was time for him to surrender, to wave the white flag as a symbol for his defeat.

_And when we meet, which I'm sure we will  
All that was there will be there still  
I'll let it pass and hold my tongue  
And you will think that I've moved on  
_

He would be back in nine month. Nothing will have changed by then, but at the same time, everything will be changed. His undying love for her would still be there, stuck in the deepest corner of his heart behind the walls he would have learned to build up again. He would still be the same, Bones and everyone else will have remained the same – at least outwardly. But he couldn't assess how much he or everyone else will have changed inwardly.

They would meet again and although his feelings would quite possibly surface again, he would keep his mouth shut and not mention it to Bones. She deserved the chance to feel what real love is, that building something with the love of your life can be the best experience you have ever had, but if she doesn't notice it for herself that _he_ could be exactly that, if she thought that Jared fits her better, who was he to tell her otherwise?

He was just going to wait till it passed. Though, he was pretty damn sure that this day would never come. You can't control your feelings. If that were possible, he would have stopped loving Bones a long time ago. Or he wouldn't because loving Bones, regardless of how much pain it evoked, had changed him for the better.

He hoped that they could still be partners once he was back, although it would quite certainly be difficult in the beginning since they would have to start from scratch – he had probably lost all the trust she had in him now, and he couldn't be mad with her. His reaction would have been the same.

Still, an angry Bones was better than no Bones in his life. Even though he would leave soon and sounded like a hypocrite, it made perfect sense to him. He just needed to put some distance between his partner and himself and since he couldn't do that successfully while they were working together, going abroad was one of the best options left for him. They wouldn't be able to talk over the phone, visit each other or go out for dinner together. He would be alone with his thoughts and that was all he needed…for now.

After he dropped the letter in Bones' mailbox, he drove to Rebecca's so that she and Parker could drive him to Dulles, which they did in record time. He hugged her for the last time and crouched down to wrap his son into his arms. Parker clung to him as if he didn't ever want to let him go. Booth rubbed his head into Parker's blond curls and could barely suppress a sob when he noticed that his shirt was damped from Parker's tears. When they reluctantly pulled away, he pressed one last kiss to his son's forehead, stood up and, for the last time, waved goodbye.

While the plane was taking off, he took one last glance at Washington and let his mind wander to Bones, Parker and everyone else he left behind, but he couldn't concentrate on anyone else except Bones.

And all he remembered was the last line of that damn song…

_I'm in love, and always will be__._

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**I know it was sad, but I hope**** you liked it nonetheless. Suggestions, praises, criticism? Reviews are always highly appreciated.**


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